


Not Really a Pep Talk

by MyOwlWearsGlasses



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, also there are other Order members in it but they don't do much, this is NOT a pairing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 16:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17247329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyOwlWearsGlasses/pseuds/MyOwlWearsGlasses
Summary: "So this is a pep talk?""No," grumbled Ginny, but she looked a little embarrassed. "Well, maybe, but I hate pep talks, they're so stupid."Sirius and Ginny have a heart-to-heart late at night in the kitchen of Number 12 Grimmauld Place.





	Not Really a Pep Talk

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted to FanFiction.net back in 2013. It was a one-shot I'd had in my head for a while even then.
> 
> This scene takes place during The Order of the Phoenix, after the dementor attack but before Harry arrives at Grimmauld Place. I always liked the idea of Sirius and Ginny being friends because I feel like Ginny and James would have had a lot in common. (Seriously, my biggest regret about James dying is that he never got to meet his daughter-in-law because they would have gotten along so well.) 
> 
> There's nothing inappropriate or anything (I could probably have given it a General Audiences rating) but Sirius and Ginny do talk a little bit about their respective traumas, so ... watch out for that.

Snape's voice droned on and on, and Sirius ignored it. Remus kept sending him sharp professorial looks across the kitchen, but Sirius ignored those too. His hand was still in his pocket, crumpled around Harry's letter, and he stared at the grimy wall of the Black family kitchen as he leaned back, causing the front legs of his hard wooden chair to rise off the floor.

All the members of the Order of the Phoenix sat either at or around the kitchen table. Notes and reports were strewn across the table and most of the Order members had a goblet of wine or a bottle of Butterbeer in front of them. Doing my best to make them all comfortable, Sirius thought with bitterness. It was bad enough he was expected to live in this place again, but taking on his mother's role as host was about to do what Azkaban never managed and make him really insane.

He could feel Dumbledore's piercing blue gaze on him and looked the other direction. Molly was also shooting him looks. Had Sirius had a rubber band, he would have shot it at her. Well, no, not her. Remus, maybe. Snape definitely. Probably not Dumbledore. Would have been a bad idea, shooting a rubber band at Dumbledore.

Suddenly there was silence around the kitchen, and Sirius realized Snape had finished the report. Sirius took his hand out of his pocket and let the legs of his chair fall to the floor with a thump. Snape glared at him.

Dumbledore's voice broke the silence. "Now. To the next order of business. We need to pick up Harry from his aunt and uncle's. I would have preferred for him to stay there until closer to the start of term, but it is no longer practical." There was another awkward silence as everyone in the room did not look at Mundungus who wouldn't have cared if they had because he was asleep. Dumbledore continued. "How shall we do this?"

"We need to lure his family away," said Remus.

"I agree," said Dumbledore. "I wish it were not the case, but I doubt having his son attacked by dementors has made Mr. Dursley any more receptive to the idea of magic than he ever was, and he will not take kindly to another witch or wizard showing up at his door."

Tonks leaned forward, an eager grin on her face. Her vibrant purple hair seemed out of place in the dull, stuffy kitchen. "I can write a letter!" she said. "Tell them they've won an award or something, Dad can help me with the post, make it look Muggle and professional and all."

"What award would they want?" asked Hestia Jones, a thoughtful look on her face.

"The Bitches of the Year Award," muttered Sirius. Bill Weasley, who was sitting next to him, snorted, and Remus nearly cracked a smile, but Molly muttered, "Really," and Dumbledore sent him that stern piercing gaze again. This time Sirius met it.

"Why don't we just go get him?" he asked.

"They won't let us in, Sirius," said Remus.

"We're wizards, Remus, it's not like they can stop us."

"So what, we just barge into people's houses now?" demanded Hestia, her eyes hardening. "Isn't that the Death Eaters' job?"

"No," said Sirius, "the Death Eaters' job is to kill my godson who right now is sitting in a house with people who put bars on his windows, waiting for Voldemort to show up and finish what he started fourteen years ago! He has no protection except for a Squib and that drunk drooling on himself in the corner! I'm a little concerned that we didn't think to get him out of there, say, at the beginning of the summer when we knew the most powerful dark wizard in the world wanted to torture and kill him, and I can think of absolutely no reason why we didn't when he was attacked by dementors -– an attack which, I might add, would have left him and his Muggle cousin without souls had Remus not happened to have the opportunity to teach Harry the Patronus charm two years ago, which wasn't exactly on the syllabus for third years! So yes, I think barging into a house at this point is rather reasonable considering the possible consequences if we don't!"

"Sirius, calm down," said Remus.

"No, I will not calm down!"

"Sirius --"

"And even making the argument that he can take care of himself, which he clearly has to, that still doesn't help him when it comes to dealing with the ministry because taking care of things himself is going to get him kicked out of Hogwarts if we don't do something now!"

"Sirius." Kingsley's soft soothing voice rumbled through the room with its calming effect and Sirius took a deep breath.

"He has a point," Sturgis Podmore muttered.

Dumbledore did not take his eyes off Sirius. "You wrote to Harry and told him to stay in his aunt and uncle's house, is that correct?"

"Yes," Sirius muttered.

Dumbledore turned to Arthur Weasley. "And you also wrote to tell him to stay in the house, whatever he did?"

"Yes," said Arthur carefully. "And I think he'll do it. He's not completely reckless, and he knows he's in trouble with the ministry, so he's going to be more cautious than usual."

"That's not very cautious," said Mrs. Weasley.

"Well, then, whatever we do, we need to do it quickly," growled Moody, his normal eye fixed on Dumbledore, his magical one on Sirius. "Before the boy's attacked again."

"I have seen to the enchantments that protect Harry as long as he stays at his aunt and uncle's house," said Dumbledore. "And I believe, as Arthur has said, that Harry will remain in the house, after having been attacked by dementors and then received letters from both Sirius and Arthur. However, Sirius is correct in that we need to execute our plan as soon as possible…though he could say as much without shouting."

Sirius wasn't sure how much complement there was in that statement, if any, so he didn't say anything.

"I think Miss Tonks's plan is a good one," Dumbledore continued.

"Great!" said Tonks. "What would lure them off?"

"Best kept lawn," said Remus without hesitation. "Or nicest car. But best kept lawn is probably more realistic."

"In the neighborhood?" said Hestia, a frown on her face.

"Better make it England," said Kingsley. "That way they'll have a farther drive. We'll have more time to get him."

"That will make them insufferable for the next few days, if what the kids say is any indication," said Bill, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, but then they'll have a nasty and hopefully humbling shock," said Tonks with a grin. "They wouldn't take Harry with them, would they?"

"I doubt Harry will let them," said Sirius.

"Right, so let's have it for two days from now," said Tonks. "That should give us enough time."

"So Dumbledore can pick him up that night while they're gone," growled Moody.

"Oh, I don't think things are so bad yet that I have to go myself," said Dumbledore lightly. "I'm sure one or two of you can handle it."

In the moment of shock in which everyone digested what Dumbledore had just said, Sirius seized his chance. "I'll go."

Snape snorted, the first noise he'd made since the mention of Harry. Molly let out a humpf, Hestia's eyes narrowed, and Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose. "No," said Dumbledore softly. "I do not think that is a good idea."

Sirius forced himself to keep his voice calm. He couldn't afford to muck this up. "I know where the house is. I've been there before. Several times."

"You can't go!" protested Molly. "It's not safe!"

Kingsley kept his voice more even as he said, "So soon after a dementor attack and the use of underage magic in the area?" He shook his head. "No, Sirius, this is one you should probably sit out."

Sirius smirked. "Tell me, Kingsley, is there one I shouldn't sit out of anymore?"

"Well, we can't afford to lose you, Black," drawled Snape. "After all, you're doing such terribly important things here."

"Stuff it, Snivellus --"

"Severus." There was a dangerous note in Dumbledore's voice.

"I'll go," said Remus. Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus continued. "I know you want to make sure Harry's safe, Sirius, but the place is a hot spot for the ministry right now and I've been there before too."

"When?"

"I was on guard duty after Lily's mum was attacked by Death Eaters the first year we were in the Order. Remember? It was right after Lily and James got engaged."

"I've been there more recently," said Sirius.

"I'll be fine, Sirius." Remus kept his gaze calm and steady. "I'll keep him safe. I'll bring him back here."

There was a long silence and Sirius knew he'd lost. He looked away, clenching his jaw, and heard Moody growl, "I'll go with you, Lupin. Watch your back. And I'll bring Kingsley to back me up."

"Oooh, and me!" said Tonks. "I made the plan, I should get to go too!"

"Not a bad idea," said Moody. "And maybe a couple of other people, just in case."

"How many back-ups do you need, Mad-Eye?" asked Bill with humor.

"You can never have too many."

Sirius stared at the floor as about ten people volunteered to fetch Harry. He could feel Snape's cold eyes on him, but didn't meet his gaze. When he glanced to the side, he caught Arthur looking at him with something like pity in his eyes, but the older man didn't say anything, just gave him a grim, sympathetic sort of smile.

With the plan formed, the Order meeting came to an end. It had been a late meeting, so everyone started to leave, yawning, talking softly, gathering their belongings. Strugis Podmore shook Mundungus awake and began summarizing the meeting for him as the two men grabbed their cloaks. Tonks had slipped her arm through Remus's and was leading him toward the door asking him questions about Harry, and several other members gathered around the two to hear Remus's answers. Sirius waited in the kitchen. Bill and Arthur cleared up the papers from the meeting, and Sirius heard Molly yelling at the kids who must have been up trying to eavesdrop again. A moment later, the portrait of Sirius's mother started wailing like a hag, but Sirius refused to deal with that when it had been Molly's fault it woke up. Bill left the kitchen to help his mother. Arthur hesitated, seeming to want to say something, but then thought the better of it. He too left.

Sirius sat alone in the kitchen listening to the house as his mother's shrieks died down and the rumble of voices became a trickle and then burbled into silence. He heard the front door close and then footsteps. A moment later, Remus's voice came into the room. "Sirius."

Sirius thought about saying Yes, Mum? but that would have been terribly cruel to Remus, all things considered. Remus had very little to do with any of Sirius's problems right now. In fact, Sirius reflected, were it not for Remus, he would be even worse off than he was now. So instead he said quietly, "Thanks, Moony."

"I didn't do it for you," said Remus testily. "I did it for Harry."

Sirius turned in his chair to look at his old friend. Remus flushed a little. "Okay, I did it partly for you."

Sirius picked at a splinter on the table. "That's not really what I meant. More just –- thanks for backing me up."

Remus sighed. "I know you're frustrated. I would be too, in your place. But Dumbledore is just trying to do what's best for you, and for Harry. For all of us, really."

Sirius smiled humorlessly. "Is that why he keeps throwing you to the wolves?"

"If you keep that up, I'm going to start making Serious-Sirius puns."

"Really, Moony? Those were so first year."

"The ministry is bound to realize we're telling the truth about Voldemort soon," said Remus. "And when they do, you'll be in the same boat as the rest of us. And until then," -- he forced a smile -- "you have this whole house to clean."

Sirius gave his friend a big fake smile. "I get to be a housewife? Good, I've been wondering what to do with those lacey, pink polka-dotted panties I found in Regulus's room."

"Skipping over the part where you're snooping through your brother's underthings," said Remus, "I know it's not as exciting as your life usually is, but Dumbledore is trying to keep Harry from losing another parent. You can't just think about you anymore, Sirius."

"I know that," Sirius snapped. "That's why I wanted to go get him myself. I'm so goddamned tired of having someone else do the work and botch it up – Mundungus or those prats overseeing the Triwizard Tournament, or-"

"I will make sure he's okay, Sirius," said Remus. Sirius didn't answer.

"And for what it's worth," added Remus quietly, "I think you're doing a great job as godfather."

Sirius felt a tightening in his chest. "I let him walk into that maze."

"You couldn't have known. And if you had, you would have stopped him. You were there waiting when he got out, and that, Sirius, is as good as James would have done."

But James didn't do it. He'd let James die.

He didn't say that though, because Remus's silence on the matter would only confirm it, and Sirius wasn't in the mood to deal with that now. He got to his feet. "Want a firewhiskey?"

Remus rubbed his eyes. "No, I want to get to bed. It's been a long day." He paused on his way out of the kitchen. "You should get to bed too."

"Why, because I need a load of energy for all this terribly important Order business I've been doing?"

"That depends," said Remus. "Cleaning? No. Keeping Fred and George from nicking all the foul, poisonous plants and creatures and Dark artefacts in this house? Most definitely."

"That description almost makes me feel like I'm doing something." Sirius opened the door to one of the cabinets and grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey.

Remus grinned. "Listen, Sirius, when this is over --"

Sirius slammed the cabinet door shut. "When this is over? When this is over?" He turned to stare at his friend. "Do you remember saying that fifteen years ago, Remus? Because I do! I said it all the bloody time! We all did! 'When this is over, Gideon and Fabian will settle down.' 'When this is over, the Boneses will start a family.' When this is over, Lily will take that job at the Daily Profit, James and I will get you a girlfriend, Alice will come out of hiding and go back to being a full-time Auror, and we –- all four of us, you, me, James, and Peter –- will go back to the way we always were, playing Quidditch and spending weekends Apparating around England trying to see which pubs kick us out and getting plastered and --! Did any of it happen?"

Remus was quiet. Sirius slammed his firewhiskey onto the table. "If we'd known then…."

"Would you have changed anything?" asked Remus.

"Well, I wouldn't have made Peter James's Secret-Keeper, that's for damn sure," muttered Sirius. He immediately wished he hadn't brought it up. "Forget it. I'm sorry. Go to bed."

"Sirius --"

"Just go to bed, Remus."

There was silence and then Remus left the kitchen. Sirius sat back down at the table and uncapped the bottle of whiskey.

The house was silent. Sirius thought he liked it better with noise -– when the twins made something explode, or when Ron and Hermione argued. Not that he liked the house much anyway, but this was the worst. He tried to conjure up memories of his early childhood, before he knew anything about blood and family, back when he and Regulus used to sleep in the same bed, lying under the covers telling each other scary stories. Or when Cissy and Bella and Dromeda came over, because he'd loved Bella once, worshipped her even, and Dromeda had been more maternal than anyone he'd ever known until he met Mrs. Potter years later and Regulus had followed Cissy around like a puppy, but those memories felt like nails in his skull because Regulus was dead and he wasn't sure that wasn't his fault either, and Cissy grew into a cold-hearted bitch and married that pretentious prick Malfoy and Dromeda was disowned from the family and Bella had become one of them….

He didn't realize he was drunk until he noticed the bottle was a quarter of the way gone. He blinked at it in surprise. When the hell had that happened?

The kitchen door swung open. Sirius jumped and looked up. Ginny Weasley was standing in the doorway, nervously fingering the hem of her T-shirt. She didn't look like she'd slept at all.

"Hi," said Sirius stupidly.

Ginny's eyes went to the bottle. "Does my mother know about your stash of firewhiskey?"

"I won't tell her if you won't."

Ginny chuckled. Sirius eyed her. "What are you doing up at this hour?" he asked.

"Couldn't sleep," said Ginny, not meeting his eye. "I just came downstairs to get some tea, but if you're drinking...."

Sirius was not quite drunk enough to fall for that. "No way. I am not giving firewhiskey to a thirteen-year-old girl. I'm not that irresponsible."

She scowled. "I'm fourteen."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Not that much difference, sweetheart." He immediately regretted his choice of endearments -– it wasn't like she was his daughter, for God's sake. He thought for a second. "There's some Butterbeer in the cupboard."

"A suitable compromise," Ginny said. She traipsed over to the cupboard and began rifling through it. Sirius took another sip of whiskey and relished the way it burned his throat. He found himself sort of glad Ginny was down here. It was much less depressing to talk to someone when drunk than to get drunk all alone.

He waved his wand carelessly and a chair across the table from him scraped across the floor and turned so that Ginny could sit in it. "Have a seat," Sirius said. Ginny did so.

She looked him square in the eye and said, "I let Slytherin's monster loose on the school."

Sirius blinked. The alcohol was slowing down his brain's processing. "Is this a confession? Should I be contacting Dumbledore?"

"No, it was years ago." Ginny's voice was direct, business-like. "Dumbledore knows. Mum and Dad know. All my brothers know. You're probably one of the few living in this house who doesn't know, to be honest."

Sirius nodded slowly. "What's Slytherin's monster 'cause I feel like I'm missing something important."

"It was a basilisk. But don't worry, it's dead now."

Sirius stared at the table. "Ginny," he said slowly, "I have no idea what you're talking about. And you should really explain yourself because I'm starting to get drunk."

"I think you're already there," said Ginny. She took a deep breath and let it out through her nose. "Okay, I hate telling this story, so you better listen. Right before my first year started, we were in Flourish and Blotts and my dad got in a fight with that ponce Lucius Malfoy."

"Now your story's making sense," said Sirius, "because Lucius Malfoy is most definitely a ponce."

"Right," said Ginny. "He had snatched a book out of my trunk to taunt Dad with it, and when he gave it back to me, it had another book tucked into its pages, but I didn't realize it until I got home. It was the diary of this bloke named Tom Marvolo Riddle."

Sirius blinked. He was back to square one with this story. "Who?"

For the first time, Ginny looked annoyed with him. "Aren't you in the Order? And you don't know who Tom Riddle is?"

"Some member who died right after it started?" Sirius guessed. "I joined a little late."

"He's Voldemort." When Sirius didn't answer, she continued. "Voldemort's real name is Tom Marvolo Riddle. I thought everyone in the Order knew that."

Sirius shook his head. "I hadn't known."

"Right, well." Ginny frowned and Sirius realized her knuckles were white from how hard she was clenching the Butterbeer. "I started writing in the diary. And the diary started writing back." She frowned. "And he was really nice. He was really charming and sweet and understanding about my problems and how I felt out-of-place at school and didn't have any friends, how my brothers teased me all the time, how I had this mad crush on Harry Potter even though I thought he was a million times too good for me. And Tom listened. And he was so patient with me. Much more patient than I'd have been. And I thought, Oh, he really understands me, at last I have a real friend. And then one night, someone found this cat Petrified and hanging by its tail from the ceiling." She uncapped her bottle and took a long drink. Sirius started to wish he'd let her have some firewhiskey. She looked like she could use some.

Ginny set the bottle down on the table and drummed her hands against the wood in a restless rhythm. "Yeah, the cat was stone-dead…well, not dead, just Petrified…and on the wall behind it, someone had painted in red 'The Chamber of Secrets has been opened. Enemies of the Heir, beware.'"

Sirius felt his stomach clench. "Chamber of Secrets," he murmured. "I thought that was a myth." He sat up straighter, suddenly even more frustrated with himself. "James and I went looking for it, even, and we never found it."

"You have to speak Parsletongue to get in," said Ginny. Her lips twisted in a grimace. "Or be possessed by someone who speaks Parsletongue. That'll do the trick."

Sirius felt rather sober. He pushed his firewhiskey away and fixed Ginny with a solemn look.

"I don't remember where I was that night," said Ginny slowly. Her eyes were starting to get a distant look in them. "I started writing about that in the diary and Tom seemed -– interested. There were a few things that I could tell really made him interested. Harry was one of them. I told him everything I knew about Harry and then some -– some things I'd made up, girlish fantasies. But the cat…and then later, my sort-of friend, Colin Creevey. He had this camera and he used to sneak around the school with it because he was Muggleborn and he wanted to show his dad Hogwarts. So he didn't die either, just got Petrified, but again I didn't remember where I was, and this time it wasn't stupid Mrs. Norris either, it was a student, a friend. I thought I was going mad, and I knew, somehow I knew, that it was me that was making it happen, only I didn't know how."

She looked away, running a hand through her long red hair. It reminded him, startlingly, of James. Ginny continued. "Then two people were attacked at once – one of them a ghost who I think was the only person who ended up looking -– right at it, I suppose. And obviously he couldn't die again. But by that time, I'd realized that Tom was just a bit too interested in these attacks when I wrote about them, and there was something that seemed almost -– almost gleeful in the way he talked about it. He tried to hide it, but…but I could tell. Just something -– I don't know. Call it intuition."

She rolled her eyes at herself. "So around Christmas time -– I stayed at Hogwarts that year -– I threw the diary away. In Moaning Myrtle's loo, because I thought, who goes in there? As it turns out, more people than you'd think because around Valentine's Day, I realized Harry had that bloody diary because he and Ron and Hermione had been brewing potions and plotting in Myrtle's loo trying to catch whoever had opened the bloody Chamber!" She laughed, but there was no humor in it. "And I was afraid Harry would figure out how to work it, and Tom would tell him everything I did, so I stole it back and then it started all over again."

She fell silent, staring at the wall behind Sirius. Sirius wanted to ask her how it had ended, how she'd gotten through it, but was loathe to make her talk about it more. He wasn't sure why she'd started telling him in the first place, unless it was some weird obligation, her thinking everyone who lived in the same building as her should know.

"It was all alright in the end, you know," said Ginny after a little while. "Harry got me out. And then that summer we went to see Bill in Egypt, and Bill's great to talk to. He just sent Mum and Dad and the others out to the tombs one day -– said they were the ones I shouldn't be seeing -– and then sat down with me, gave me a cup of this amazing Egyptian coffee, and made me tell him everything. Of course, people already knew what had happened. I had told them a bit and Harry had told them a lot more and Dumbledore's a genius, so he put in whatever pieces weren't there. But it was the first time I'd really sat down and just let it all out, told my story, everything that happened, how I felt, all of it. And it worked brilliant. Surprisingly. It's like feeling better after a long cry even though on the practical level, it hasn't really solved anything."

"That wasn't your fault, Ginny," said Sirius. He didn't know why it was so important to tell her this, but it was.

"No, I know," said Ginny. "But that wouldn't have saved any of them, would it?"

Sirius closed his eyes and snorted through his nose. "No. No, it wouldn't."

"Bill told me," said Ginny, "that the only thing I could do was take it and learn from it and let it make me better. I won't let this happen again. I will never let myself be controlled like that. I guess it's that old cliché, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger or better or whatever. I doubt it makes us better but it makes us – I don't know if wiser's the right word. Harder, maybe."

There was a long silence as Sirius played with the cap of his firewhiskey.

"I heard what you said about making Peter the Potters' Secret Keeper," whispered Ginny.

Sirius laughed. Ginny continued. "When you were talking to Professor Lupin."

"Stalker."

"And I think you've done a brilliant job of not letting it happen again."

"So this is a pep talk?"

"No," grumbled Ginny, but she looked a little embarrassed. "Well, maybe, but I hate pep talks, they're so stupid. More like," she leaned forward a little, her elbows sliding across the table, " I know how it feels to have something weighing on you, dragging behind you, all the time and it's the worst feeling in the world, and there's really nothing you or anyone else can do about it."

Sirius looked at her and grinned. "Wow. I bet Molly underestimates you."

"Are you kidding? Half the stunts she blames on Fred and George are something I pulled."

Sirius laughed out loud and it was kind of hard to stop. Ginny grinned and sat up straighter, taking a long drink of Butterbeer. Sirius made himself calm down and grinned across the table at her. "You should have been the fourth Marauder. Better than Pete any day."

Ginny stared at him. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Long story." Sirius smiled, this time to himself. "But a good one. Doesn't have a particularly happy ending, but I think it was worth it while it lasted. If you want to hear it."

Ginny shrugged. "Doesn't look like either of us is going to sleep any time soon." She took another drink of Butterbeer and looked at him expectantly. "Shoot."


End file.
